My kind of success
I was blown away to be named one of 2019’s 50 Leading lights for kindness and leadership by Women of the Future. Kindness hasn’t always been seen as a positive thing in the legal sector, so it meant the world to be able to celebrate it as a key element of successful leadership.
About 18 years ago, I had a fantastic annual appraisal but one comment haunted me: my boss said that I needed to toughen up and be far less sensitive and emotional. It came from a good place – he didn’t want me to take other people’s problems too much to heart. It was typical of the corporate environment back then. Success was defined by how tough you were; emotion didn’t have a place at work. Soft emotion that is – I never saw anyone call people out for displays of anger. Compassion, empathy and passion about what I do are some of my key traits so telling me to curb them was tantamount to telling me that I needed a personality transplant.
I wrestled with that comment for years – adopting a tone of voice that never quite felt authentic because I was not being 100% true to myself.
It wasn’t until I joined Jackson Lees that I was able to optimise the value I add to a business in bringing out the best in others by being myself. A few years ago, our CEO told me that a lot of the value I brought to the business was through being consistently kind and empathetic – regardless of how challenging the individual or set of circumstances – and that neither I nor the business would flourish as effectively if I restrained myself. The confidence that his comment gave me was incredible, triggering a lightbulb moment. I didn’t need to adjust my leadership style. I could be tough, successful, commercial – and kind. And just like that, I was free.
Leaders in any business have a duty to show empathy, kindness, and vulnerability. This helps people set realistic expectations for themselves and gives them confidence in fulfilling their own roles. Over the last few years, many people in leadership positions have confided in me that they were scared to say certain things to their teams – I told them that showing emotion is the best thing they can do and will gain them their team’s respect. I delivered a training course last year where someone became visibly moved when I talked about how I deal with occasional sleeplessness at 3am. I checked whether they were ok afterwards, and they told me the relief they felt that someone at my level experienced assume that we’re the only ones who feel a certain way, and to bury feelings for fear of reprimand. We need to change that.
People need to have confidence that leaders will guide them and manage things well – but they need to see real people and not superhuman beings, otherwise they’ll feel inadequate because they can’t live up to that perceived – and unrealistic – benchmark.
In a fast-paced and unstable world, togetherness has never been so important. Team and collective responsibility can easily be nurtured and grown through kind and compassionate leadership. Kindness is good for mental health and fosters a positive working environment. A happy and engaged team will be more productive, and have more fun!
